And also that I love you and that I want to die

I went to a Litquake/Writer’s Grotto event tonight called Regreturature and it was so funny I ended up laughing so hard I was crying a bit. Maybe I was just in the right mood but it really was a great event and the authors all did a good job reading the embarrassing journals and poetry and letters they wrote as children. There was a letter to Nixon, an English presentation, journals of course, but one even had teacher’s comments… So yes, it was great.

Quite naturally, I ended up coming home and pulling out my old journals. And, yes, I was so inspired by Regreturature and the fact that it’s National Poetry Month that I decided to share some of my most embarrassing and horrible writing here with you.

So here it is, from the long lost journals of Megan Murray (or as I liked to call myself at the time, Megan Fucking Murray), a small selection of tortured love poetry…

 

I’ve got stars in my eyes when I look at you
Their spiky points stab with pain
They make me cry
As hard as I try
I can’t get these damn stars out of my eyes
I don’t know what to do
But I can’t stop looking at you
And I can’t stop the pain

 

I love you
Okay, I admit it
Maybe it’s puppy love
But it feels so real
I love you
I love you
I love you
And as much as I hate it
It’s there
I hate you
I really hate you
Why did you do this to me
Look at me
I’m writing poetry
What’s wrong with me
I love you
That’s what
And I hate you for it

 

Fuck you
Fuck me
Fuck me for loving you
And fuck you for not loving me
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck
Fuck me
Fuck you
And fuck love

 

You’re on my mind
You’re in my mind
You’re all over my mind
You’re inside my mind
Get the hell away
Just kidding you can stay

 

I’m gonna grow up
I’m gonna be tall
I’m gonna be hot
I’m gonna be fucking hot
You’re gonna want me bad
I’m gonna work on my English
You’re going to want me bad

 

Right when I figure things out
I figure out I don’t have anything figured out
That’s okay though
It means I’m not dead
And also that I love you and that I want to die

 

 

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